Gentleman Prefers Blonde

I’m not a Starbucks coffee fan, never have been. I find the coffee too strong, strangely acidic and with a bitter aftertaste.

I’m a pretty big coffee drinker. Working at home, I preset my Mr. Coffee so a big, hot pot is ready when I first come downstairs to walk and feed the dogs. And four or five cups, one after another, is not unusual – especially if I have deadlines that day and need to be awake and alert.

I like strong coffee. That chicory stuff you get in New Orleans has always been a favorite of mine. I just don’t like Starbucks.

Believe me, I’ve tried. I know how popular it is. I see them lined up at the airport, eagerly paying twice what they might be paying at a mostly abandoned counter right next door. And I wonder. Is it me? I want to be part of the Starbucks nation, stepping up to the counter and proudly enunciating my favorite brew, “venti” or “grande” and with all those confident declarations of “extra shot” and “steamed milk.”

Am I crazy? Apparently not. Starbucks now acknowledges that it hasn’t seduced every coffee drinker in the world. The company has recently come out with a blonde roast, what it calls its first “true light roast coffee.” And the marketing suggests, without saying so, that lots of people find the regular Starbucks brand bitter and harsh. The Super Bowl ad had an actual barista saying, “Starbucks knows a lot of folks didn’t think the coffee was their flavor, didn’t think it was their cup . . .”

And Starbucks has checked off all the boxes on its marketing campaign – starting with the name. It suggests a nice, light, almost caramel-colored beverage. The packaging, too, veers from the dark browns and greens we’re accustomed to, and has a yellowy and white color theme.

Its marketing materials feature the two “master roasters” who helped lead the company from its “dark roasted” past. It emphasizes that “shorter roast times” produce a lighter body and mellow flavor.

You see what it’s doing? The constant use of the word “roast” reminds you some expert person is back there personally tending to the beans – it’s not being mass-produced by machinery in huge vats by a gigantic international food company. And “roast” also suggests body, flavor and the essence of coffee, just to reassure that this isn’t some wimpy, bland coffee wannabe.

So Starbucks has done everything right. But has it produced a drinkable cup of coffee for me? Hate to leave you hanging, but I haven’t opened the package yet. I did buy it though. I’m part of the Starbucks nation.